Online Dating Etiquette

Online dating is a game. And like every game, it has its own rules and strategies you can deploy. If you know the secrets of the play, you are bound to be successful.

One topic that raises the most concerns about online dating, is the response time, aka the amount of time you should wait before replying or sending a message after a wink. This sounds like a trivial problem at first. “Why should I wait? I have the notification option turned on; I’ll know instantly when a match has been found for me!” This is an earnest opinion, but flawed nonetheless. The time spent between the successful matchmaking and the first message sent can be indeed a deal-breaker.

Over eagerness vs slow responses

Your response time tells a lot about you. A common mistake among single men is that they respond too early, because they think this is the polite thing to do – not to mention they want to capture and keep a woman’s attention. However, overeagerness might make you look like creepy or crazy in the eye of the other. An overly rapid response is the worst course of action you can take. If you are a man, don’t be afraid to wait a day. However, women should avoid playing the “waiting game” . As you can see, men are often quite the impatient type, and they are prone to declare a partner cold or unresponsive if they fail to give a response in time. One day is the longest period of time you should wait as a woman, but it’s safer to delay it for half a day only.

Timing, instead of delaying

In reality, the aspect of responding is more about guessing the other’s status, and not about the action of contact itself. Instead of counting the hours for the perfect reply, try to time it well. Making a move on a wink or message on a Friday or Saturday night, communicates that there is nothing really going on at your end, thus you have a boring life. Also, avoid replies at 1am, because the other might think you are a creep who is up all night, starving for attention. Just play it cool, and write a message during the afternoon. This is the time when most people are in boring routines (traveling home, having a nap, etc.), giving an impression that you have important things to do, and only now realized that someone sent you a wink.

The second date

In dating, there are no “safe zones”. Some say that the first date is the most crucial, and if you manage to not screw it up, then you can find yourself at the finish line. The truth is, the second, third, fourth, and every other date is just as important as the first one. In order to raise your chances, we decided to create a cheat sheet for you, detailing some hints to secure the next checkpoint in your relationship. We prepared enough material for men and women alike, because we feel that both of them need all the help they can get.

For women

Ladies, if you had fun on the first date, be sure to drop some hints about how much you enjoyed it. This little encouragement will surely yield a second go. But don’t go overboard with the suggestions. The second place should be the true testament of what the guys can actually deliver. Let them choose the time, place and activity for the second date to see how well they fare on their own. When meeting, greet them with a hug or a cheeky peck on the face – it will break the ice right away. Don’t wear too much makeup and avoid revealing dresses as well. Your second date should raise the flirting amount a little bit, and aced ones should end with a kiss. It is okay if your reveal your personal side by sharing a bit more about yourself, but keep it on a mild level, no embarrassing or intimate detail should slip out. Also, lips sealed about the exes!

Removing your profile

Deactivating your dating profile is meant to be a simple step to take. You just cancel your subscription, remove the app on your phone, and then delete your profile itself. Easy-peasy, right? Well, the technical side of the action is indeed uncomplicated, but keep in mind that “catapulting” from a dating site has an actual effect on your partners. Getting rid of your profile while having active discussions with others is similar to leaving a room mid-sentence while talking to someone. However, not removing a profile can be equally rude. If you just “forget” your profile and don’t login anymore, then you mislead your partners and other singles who contact you in hope of a blossoming relationship. In short: deleting a dating profile does have a sensitive etiquette to it.

Activating sleep mode

Most people decide on deactivating their dating profile for two reasons: they either found their true love (which means that the mission was successful), or they get fed up with wasting their time. Either way, the big account shutdown must be preceded by a number of steps. First of all, is it truly the end? If you are simply angry or just want a break, then consider unsubscribing from the premium membership, and leave your profile intact. You never know when will you need it again, and a spared account saves you from the hustle of going through the registration once again. Most dating sites promise to keep unused profiles, putting them into hibernation, which means that they remain in the database, but otherwise don’t appear among the search results. Still, if you intend on leaving behind your trusty profile for an unknown amount of time, be sure to indicate its inactive status in your profile’s description.

The pitfalls of online breakups

Some people consider online relationships inferior to “real life ones”, because they have never met the other person directly. This is quite a selfish approach, which usually hides the fact that they don’t know how to (or don’t want to) break up gently. That’s why they choose an indirect route to get their intention through: letting the relationship wither by not responding. The downside to this is that sometimes your partner won’t get this “subtle” hint, and continue pursuing the romance. Another bad idea that will end up troubling your head, is breaking up by saying platitudes: “Not because of you, it’s because of me”; “You deserve so much better”; “There is nothing wrong with you, I’m just looking for someone else”. These lines are old and bleak, so avoid them at all cost. The best thing you can do for the other is to identify the true reason of your decision, and state it upfront. And one last thing: try to end the conversation on a high note.

Cease contact when threatened

In some rare occasions, it is indeed wise to simply cease all contact with a person who seems to be overzealous about the relationship. It’s quite possible that the other reacts aggressively upon your breakup proposal. In this case, stay calm, and stop any kind of further interaction with the person. Give the time to calm down, and don’t let their insults get under your skin. When hurt, people can say things they don’t really mean. If they continue the badmouthing, then block them or report the person to the admin team.

We advise caution when dealing with potential love interests online. Don’t share nude or sensitive images about yourself, and don’t reveal your real life address until you are 100% sure your partner is dependable. Otherwise they can blackmail using those sensitive photos, or even visit your home to further harass you.

Not interested and bringing the message

What is the main selling point of a dating site? There are countless answers for this question, but the huge pool of attractive singles to choose from is surely among the top. When you become a member of a dating site, you can contact hundreds of singles, even if they are from another country. However, the limitless possibilities often prompt a so-called “date craze”, in which people affected get in touch with everyone who catches their eye, sending out dozens of messages. As the replies start rolling in, this eventually leads to some unwanted situations though, and after a brief discussion they realize that the person might look good on the picture, but there is no chemistry between them. And this is where the difficulty of saying: “not interested” comes in.

The reason for backing out

It can be said that there are three stages for the “not interested” moment:

1. When the two of you are introduced to each other via the matchmaking engine.
2. After you spent some time chatting, and the conversation comes to a point where you realize there aren’t any sparks.
3. Following an actual date, when you realize you share no actual chemistry, or there were some fatal mistakes during the date).

One can argue that the latter is closer to breaking up than simply backing out from a relationship, as most people consider a date to be a true relationship opener. Therefore, we would like to provide a method for each scenario, to let you gently get your message through when needed.

You were just introduced to each other

Let’s assume that your partner’s dating profile made a good impression, or the two of you were matched by the dating site. After further examination, you find the person less appealing (drinking/smoking habits, different goals or views etc.). In this early stage it’s acceptable to simply back out by not replying and let the relationship turn cold. If you are not accommodated, people are more willing to let an unhatched relationship go, and look for other date partners with better potential.

You were just talking

In case you already started chatting and know each other a bit, then becoming inactive and giving the cold shoulder is considered as a rude move, where you must send a message, explaining the situation. During this stage sneaking in some white lies about “not having enough time for a relationship”, or “having sudden family problems” may work, as well as paying less and less attention to the partner until the conversation simply withers. Still, have a spine and tell your partner directly that even though you enjoyed the conversation, you don’t feel this would work.

You’ve been dating

The worst is to put an end to a relationship after a date. Meeting in person is widely different from chatting, and most singles find it difficult to make a move or be as charming as they were in front of a computer screen. That’s why dates are the true line breakers. Withdrawing your attention is quite risky in this phase, as you partner most likely becomes disappointed, negative or even infuriated after you tell him/her about your decision. We recommend an upfront approach and cautious words. The best choice is to prepare in advance, and avoid improvisation at all cost. Don’t use platitudes, and most importantly, don’t come up with a petty lie or excuse, because they’ll surely see right through you.