How to Break the Downward Spiral of No Dating Experience

Let’s make one thing clear: never, ever bring up your lack of dating experience without your partner first asking it. Even though it’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of, it’s not a topic to brag about. Despite the popularity of online dating and the convenience of meeting someone at a bar, park or gaming convention, many people still feel too timid or nervous to make the first step. And while holding out for true love should be praised, many singles still feel a need to explain themselves to their partner. However, pointing the spotlight at your insecurity and flaws is never a good idea while on a date. Instead of trying to dodge the bullet, try working on your confidence and social skills.

Bringing it up is bad omen

When your partner learns about your low number of dates, a red flag could be raised in their mind even if they don’t seem to react to it. They might start to believe one of the following thoughts: your lack of experience comes from the fact that you don’t know how to treat your partner nicely; you are helplessly awkward in social situations; you aren’t very interested in serious relationships; or you have a deal breaking character flaw that drives love interests away. As such, it’s for your own good to not start the relationship with a handicap, because no explanation can uproot the seeds of suspicion once they have been planted.

Don’t blame yourself, it’s the fault of our culture

The funny thing about the lack of dating experience is that it’s a burden you create for yourself. Just think about it: how many dates constitutes as only a few? Is it a static digit or does it correlate to your age? And don’t forget that this topic is very rarely brought up on a first date. Unless you act insecure, your partner won’t ask about your ‘number’ out of fear that you might say a bigger one than their own. It’s also true that if your partner finds you attractive, then they likely won’t care about your previous dating experience.

Then why do so many singles believe that not being a pickup artist is something to be ashamed of? The concept is actually a false ideology planted in our head by pop culture. Movies, TV series, celebrities, even internet personalities all give the impression that engaging in vast number of relationships is the only way to have an exciting and fulfilling life, even if most of them do end up in failure. Actually, having had fewer dates isn’t a disadvantage, yet people can’t help but think that they are missing out on the fun.

Focus on confidence instead of excusing yourself

Trying to explain why you haven’t been dating much in the past is far less effective than simply being yourself. No one cares about such trivial shortcomings if you are funny, thoughtful, positive, and brimming with confidence. The only benefit to having dating experience is the extra understanding on how to avoid pitfalls and mistakes while meeting your partner, which can also be acquired by reading dating articles or visiting Reddit anyway. If you manage to rid yourself of those inner demons and have faith in yourself, then you’ll be successful on both your first and hundredth date.